This time I started a list, but we didn't discuss it much. Paul wasn't leaving so we had plenty of time. We didn't really care about any meaning behind the name (Bentley means grassy meadow), just one we both agree on and that sounds good with the middle names we had picked out (family names). Then at my first OB visit at 11 weeks, a nightmare came true. The midwife looked and looked, but there was no baby. I was given three options; to take a pill that day that would induce a miscarriage, schedule a d&c for the next day, or wait. I was in a state of shock, and Paul was not there with me. I said I would wait. That next week was probably the hardest and most confusing week of my life. I was so upset and anxious, but at the same time this little bit of hope would not go away. Nothing happened so I made an appointment to see the midwife again and schedule a d&c. When I went back for the follow-up a different midwife did an ultrasound, and there on the screen was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. A little baby with a beautiful heartbeat just wiggling away.
There is a very simple explanation as to why we didn't see the baby during the first ultrasound, and there are several things the midwife could have done that would have changed the way I felt when I left that first appointment. My bladder was too full. It was a transvaginal ultrasound, so my bladder was blocking the baby. What she saw that she thought was my uterus was just a cyst. Paul and I were both very upset, but the relief we felt overshadowed our anger.
So, the reason I tell this story now, 16 weeks later, is because it made us want a meaning behind this baby boy's name. I kept thinking "what if." What if I had taken this midwife's advice because she knows more than I do, and had gone home that day with a pill that would have aborted my healthy baby. I am beyond thankful that the Lord put doubt in my mind. We feel like he is somewhat of a miracle (although all babies are miracles). We want his name to be a reflection of this story.
Unfortunately I am not going to post what his name is. We have decided, but have not told anyone yet. It may or may not be announced before he is born, but we both love it and are thankful that we get to be this little boy's parents. He is much more active than Bentley was. I could sit all day and poke my belly just to feel him roll away or poke me back.
